


Season Twelve - Ha (Part 1)

by JAYJEN11



Series: Season 12 [1]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys Kissing, M/M, Rimming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-26
Updated: 2016-03-26
Packaged: 2018-05-29 03:39:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6357439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JAYJEN11/pseuds/JAYJEN11
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared rang to celebrate the news with Jensen they had been renewed for season twelve.<br/>Jensen didn't take the news as well as Jared</p>
            </blockquote>





	Season Twelve - Ha (Part 1)

**Author's Note:**

> This is a pure J2 fic, if it offends please don't read - the tags tell you everything

The single figure sat in the corner of the executive lounge, ear phones in, reading a book, any minute now his flight would be called. The vibrating in his pocket disturbed him and he pulled his phone out, looked at the screen and smiled before answering

“Congratulations babe.” Echoed down the line before he could say anything

“Huh?” was his articulate reply while a number of things flashed through his head

“We just got renewed for twelve.”

“What?” he gasped

“Hang on…I have another call coming through, I put out the word asking when I can announce it.” He babbled

“Jared!...Jared?” he had hung up on him

Jensen sat there staring at the wall, book and music forgotten. He was sitting in an airport where he had been waiting for a plane that was taking him to LA to have an appointment with his manager before the Las Vegas convention.

It was mid-March and nothing had been announced. He finally thought he was free.

Don’t’ get Jensen wrong, he loved Supernatural and Dean but he had been playing this role for eleven years and had put a lot of his life on hold to do so.

Bang his Facebook beeped and he could see Jared was live streaming, he sighed as he opened it up to watch.

He had been heading to his manager to see what the next adventure was in his life, see if anyone was interested in him for anything long term. He had a wife, a daughter and a life he had to finance but he had also been looking forward to stepping out into the unknown for the first time in a long time.

He could understand Jared’s excitement. Jared lived by social media. Had made it his role to be the unofficial spokesperson of the show and had the dragged other actors and crew members along with him; he had had his finger on the pulse way before anyone else on the show, believing keeping in contact with the fans kept them interested and kept the show running and them in jobs. Once he started the Always Keep Fighting campaign he was impossible to keep away from the computer, phone and tablet so Jensen understood what was going on in his head.

Jared had seen the increasing tension in the fandom as it got later and later and the show renewal hadn’t been announced. He then started freaking himself which was ridiculous. He had movie and show offers come to him all the time but he allowed the fans to dictate his emotions and so was celebrating with them now it was announced.

Jensen sighed and picked up his phone again, might as well cancel his meeting now they had been renewed for another year; visiting his agent now would just get him pushed into some project in his hiatus and he didn’t want that.

**

Jared sat in his trailer and breathed for the first time in about an hour. As soon as he heard a rumour they were being renewed he started making calls to find out if it was true and if he could announce it. As soon he found out it was true he rang Jensen and shared the joy with him and then as soon as he got the all clear from the bigwigs he put it out in the atmosphere that they had the joy of another season. He rang Genevieve and chatted with her, he knew she had been a little concerned about the future and then he had rung his family.

Now he finally stopped and looked around him at his home away from home, his trailer. His shoes were kicked into the corner of the trailer near the door, leaning on top of Jensen’s old Nikes.

One of Dean’s jackets was tossed over one of his dining chairs and he was pretty sure that was one of Sam’s on the table. He would have to take them back over to wardrobe in case they needed cleaning not that wardrobe didn’t know where they were to come and get them but they usually waited until the boys left site before ransacking the trailers for clothes and shoes; that was stupid of them Jared personally thought, they were inadvertently supplying him with half _his_ wardrobe, it was a lot easier to forget to return the jeans than have to go and buy some of his own.

In the living area the PlayStation was on the floor but forgotten; propped against one chair was a guitar Jared was trying to teach himself to play and on the arm of the other chair a book Jensen was reading, some biography or something that he liked to spend his time on, a bag of gummi bears open on the table.

He walked through that room into his bedroom and here was more a sliding scale of how much he had grown on this set. On the wall was a promo photo of Jensen and him, taken before the pilot, before he even had hair on his chest; that photo had been in the trailer when he adopted it. Next to that photo though was photos of his wedding and his kids and he and Jensen. On the top shelf of the wardrobe was the cast from the broken wrist he got trying to get out of a street fight with Jensen. In the back was the other cast he got on set. In the corner was the weights he was using to strengthen his muscles after dislocating his shoulder ‘playing’ with Osric.

Also in this room was some of the more memorable memorabilia he was given. A few soft toys, a hand painted sign, a poster signed by hundreds of people when he was down and exhausted.

But mainly in this room was the larger than average size bed he needed which had been a bitch to get in, a soft as down quilt covered in a calming blue, books overflowing from bedside tables, sweatpant bottoms tossed on the floor and a bottle of lube they had forgotten to put away in their haste this morning. Jared had come to work horny and then they had to rush so he could get to the makeup trailer and Jensen could do what he had to do off site, after doing some voice over work, something he didn’t want to tell Jared about. They were usually careful about how they left the bedroom and any evidence so he felt his face warm, even though he was alone, as he moved forward and tidied the space.

A little while later while strumming on his guitar he heard the slam of Jensen’s trailer door and he frowned as his concentration broke. Jensen wasn’t supposed to be back; they were meeting in Las Vegas. Was it him and if so why hadn’t he come here? Did he think he was on set? He should have at least stuck his head through the door to check.

He went outside and next door but when he tried the door it was locked. He knocked

“Go away.” The voice growled

“Jen it’s me.”

“Go away.”

“What are you doing back? Was your flight delayed?”

“I mean it Jared, go away.”

“Jensen let me in!” Jared was scared by the tone in Jensen’s voice

“Don’t you have to be on set?” Jensen snapped as he pulled open the door enough to stick his head out

“They can wait, let me in.”

“No.”

“Jen…”

“You know what…I don’t even know why I came; I’m not filming today” Jensen growled as he pushed past Jared

“You came in with me.’

“Yeah whatever.” Jensen snapped, grabbed his car keys and walked away, no goodbye kiss, no brush of hands or hug, not even looking back at him with his little smirk which usually let Jared know Jensen knew exactly what he was thinking.

**

Jensen knew he was being a dick but he couldn’t help himself, the more he thought about it the angrier he became and his anger, maybe or maybe not misdirected, was aimed directly at Jared and his joy and chirpiness at being renewed. He wanted to break something, hit something, hurt something; he wanted to release all this pent up anger and frustration and Jared had been the first person he saw so copped it; not that that was the reason, Jared would have copped it if he was the tenth person he saw due to his happiness at season twelve.

“Hey babe.” Jensen said, trying to breathe and sound calm as he talked into the phone to his wife who just rang

“Jensen I had to find out from Genevieve that the show had been renewed? You didn’t think to ring me and tell me?”

“Sorry it’s just happened.”

“Jared tweeted about it over an hour ago and has rung and talked to Gen, what’s going on?”

“I thought I was out, I thought we were out.” He sighed

“What did your manager say?”

“I didn’t go. I’m still in Vancouver.”

“Jen…”

“There was no point going to see him if the show has been renewed, he’d just try and force me to do something over summer.”

“Well you could have gone and talked to him about twelve being the last season if that’s how you feel.”

“You know the pact as long as one of us wants to do it both of us keep doing it.”

“Jen that pact was made a decade ago, come on you know you’re turning down good parts to stay on this show, if you want out start the ball rolling. Jared is a grown man now I’m sure he doesn’t expect you to stick to a pact made when you were kids drunk on tequila.”

“He’s so happy for the renewal.”

“Yeah I know but babe you need to make a decision; we need to make a decision. The network will keep it going as long as you idiots keep agreeing, between the cons and the merchandise you guys are money spinners without them having to put in any effort. It’s up to you to be the man here.”

“You don’t think I don’t know that Danneel? You don’t think I don’t feel that weight on me every time I think about it?”

“Jen…”

“Look I’m driving, I gotta go I’ll talk to you later”

“Don’t get mad at me Jen” she warned

“I know, I’m sorry, bye.”

Jensen hung up and flung the phone across the car. He’d be happy not to talk to anyone for the rest of the day. Everyone had an opinion on what he should be doing or feeling and he just wanted to tell them all to fuck off and leave him alone. The safest thing for everyone was for him to go home and hide until it was out of his system.

**

Jared sighed as Clif dropped him off at his apartment. Shooting had been long and arduous and he knew he hadn’t helped, his mind had been more on Jensen and his behaviour today than on Sam and it had showed.

“Evening Mr Padalecki, we walked the dogs a couple of hours ago.” The doorman said as he walked through

“Mr Ackles wasn’t up there?” he asked with a slight frown

“No sir.”

“Thanks” Jared said as he slipped him a note, he paid them well to look after his apartment and his dogs but he still liked to tip and let them know they were appreciated.

He let himself into the dark apartment and sighed as the dogs ran at him. He bent to pat them and grabbed their leads before heading back downstairs. Might as well walk them before he got settled for the night.

As he walked he wondered what the hell had happened. Today had started off great with fantastic sex and got even better when he found they had been renewed. Jensen had been heading to LA and Jared had been going to meet him Las Vegas but obviously something had gone chaotically wrong for Jensen to still be here and to be pissed for some reason.

He got back to the apartment, fed the dogs and had a shower. He couldn’t settle, he couldn’t eat; he was pacing worrying about Jensen and not used to not having him here. He grabbed his keys and headed out, if Jensen wasn’t coming to him, he would go there and find out what was going on. They never fought, Jensen never acted like this so whatever the problem was it was really starting to freak Jared out.

**

Jensen cursed under his breath as he heard a knock at his door, there was only one person who could get past his night manager and be visiting at this time of night and he didn’t want to deal with him right now.

He was still angry and stupidly was also angry at the fact that he didn’t really know why he was angry. They’d been renewed another year, in the grand scheme of things that was good news, he had a job, a very well paid job, for another year. He had another year of doing conventions which was not only enjoyable but also brought in a significant amount of pocket money. He had Jared as a best friend and lover and he had another year to decide what he wanted to do with his life rather than rushing off to his manager after pilot season was already over. Rationally he knew all this but irrationally he was still pissed at being renewed and he was pissed that Jared was happy about it and yeah he was pissed that they took a stupid fucking oath way back when and he was still sticking with it. As much as he could see himself walking away from Dean Winchester and the Impala he could not see himself walking away from Jared Padalecki and he was pissed at his own weakness.

The doorbell rang and he knocked again and for a brief second Jensen thought of ignoring it but he couldn’t do that to Jared and his insecurities. He strode over to the door and threw it open

“What?” he snapped

“Jensen!” Jared cried out with hurt when he heard the tone of his voice

“Sorry Jay but I don’t have the time for you now.” Jensen said as he turned and walked back into his apartment.

“What are you doing?” he asked with a frown as he followed him into the bedroom and saw him packing

“I’m heading home.”

“You are…”

“Austin.” Jensen said as Jared was about to say ‘you are home’, which was a lie. This apartment wasn’t his home, his home was Jared’s apartment or Jared’s trailer, this apartment was just a place where he kept stuff or used when Danneel and JJ came up.

“Jensen I don’t understand what’s going on, can you just talk to me please?” Jared asked quietly as he walked into the room and up close to him. Jensen closed his eyes as he inhaled the scent of his lover and then gritted his teeth and stepped back, he wasn’t getting suckered into this when he wasn’t ready to forgive and forget

“I gotta go.” Jensen said as he zipped the bag and walked past Jared

“Do you at least need a ride to the airport?”

“No I got it.” was all Jensen said before walking to the front door and standing there waiting for Jared to follow. Jared pushed the elevator button while Jensen locked up and they got in together

“Jen…”

“Jared, look nothing is wrong ok, everything is fine; I just can’t do this at the moment, I can’t be here and, don’t take this the wrong way but I can’t be with you, I just need to…you know…go.” Jensen said as the door opened. He strode off with purpose, not looking back, leaving Jared walking slowly behind and the last thing he saw as he threw his bag into his car was Jared standing at the door of the building, his big bulk shadowed by the light behind him, but his head was hanging and his shoulders were dropped and Jensen could see him folding in on himself.

Jensen felt bad but he had to worry about himself for once plus when he was in this frame of mind he was more likely to say something to Jared and upset him more than he was now, leaving. He could stay and hold it in for Jared but, even though he had had hard times, he knew Jared would literally kick his ass if he knew Jensen was being soft on him because of things that had happened in the past. ‘He just had to get home’ was all Jensen could keep thinking as he drove to the airport to catch the last flight out.

**

Jared let himself back into his apartment and flopped down on the lounge without turning on any lights. Jensen had literally burnt rubber to get away from him and it all finally clicked into place. They had been perfect right up until Jared told Jensen about season twelve. Jensen was angry about season twelve and Jared could only assume it was because he had to spend another year up here with him. Obviously he wanted what they had to be over and wanted to go back to real life, America, his wife and daughter; obviously he didn’t want to be in another country keeping the filthy little secret of the fact he was fucking his co-star.

It had started in season three. They had been friends and best friends but that comfortableness had kind of slipped away with the huge gap of the writer’s strike. They came back to finish the season, and decided to catch up with their friendship over beer and whiskey. Drinks had led to stories of relationships and, from Jared’s side, broken relationships, and jokes and raucous laughter and had inevitably led, as it always did when men saw two big men in a bar and tried to prove themselves, to smart ass comments being shouted and punches being thrown. Jared and Jensen were used to this now, being the two largest men in most of the bars they attended, even if Jensen wasn’t, being with Jared made him guilty by association, and they had a routine down that had them have each other’s backs and out the door with the minimum of damage to themselves or anyone else. Jared ran out the door of the bar, bouncing off the wall of the alley opposite and felt Jensen get thrown out and land against him. He wrapped his arms around him to catch him and make sure he didn’t hurt himself, or Jared for that matter; and felt how turned on Jensen had been from the night, or the fight, or being flush against Jared, who knew, but the night ended up hot and sweaty in Jared’s bed as they both fucked another man for the first time and the rest, as they, is history.

But a lot had happened since then, they had grown up, they had gotten married to beautiful women, had adorable children and had adult responsibilities. It made sense that this was finally over. It broke Jared’s heart, he loved Jensen unconditionally, more than he loved Genevieve but everything has to come to an end eventually right?

 

The next day found Jared on a plane home himself. This hadn’t been the original plan; that plan was to meet Jensen in Vegas and for them to have the weekend together away from everyone but now Jared was headed home because there was no way he could be by himself.

“Hey hon, hey guys.” Jared smiled tiredly as he walked through the airport to his wife and sons. He scooped up the boys and hugged them, breathing in their innocent scent.

“I’m glad you could come home Jare we’re going to a movie premier tonight and I think you’ll really enjoy it.” She said as she got on tippy toe to kiss him.

“Who’s going?” he asked casually

“The usual suspects.” She smiled and Jared had to assume that meant Jensen, unless of course Jensen found out he was in Austin and decided to fly to Las Vegas to avoid him again.

**

Jensen felt like an absolute idiot now he had fled Canada and had a night to sleep on it. Jared was right, they should be celebrating a new season and he had felt empty being without Jared last night; even though he had Danneel in bed beside him she didn’t have the same heat or weight that Jared did and he missed him.

He reached over and dialled Jared’s phone but it went straight too message bank

“Don’t panic babe you’ll see him tonight” Danni said as she brought JJ in

“Tonight?”

“Yeah at the movie premier I was telling you about.”

“Jared’s here?” Jensen frowned, Jared was meant to fly straight to Vegas. Jensen had been lying here trying to figure out the quickest way for him to get to Vegas, he had not anticipated Jared being here but then who was he to say anything, after last night who knows what was going through Jared’s mind. He had to get to him to talk to him and explain everything. He could only imagine the laugh Jared would have at his expense once he knew he had a meltdown about continuing again on a long running and popular television show.

**

Jensen smiled for the cameras one more time and sighed, this movie was for a good cause, a good charity and had a deep story to tell but all he wanted to do was to get to the other side of the group of people separating him from his lover and touch him or hold him some way. Hell he couldn’t wait for the man hug Jared gave him whenever they met up again after being apart, be it a couple of hours, over night or longer and he couldn’t figure out why he hadn’t barrelled over and done that already. He had told Jared everything was fine, yeah maybe he shouldn’t have said he didn’t want to be with him at that moment but he had said everything was ok and he and Jared had that freaky psychic thing so Jared should be good.

As the night went on though it became pretty clear to Jensen that maybe things were not ‘good’. Jared kept himself separate from Jensen at all times and tried very hard to keep the entire group of people between them, not just their wives, who by now had also picked up on the tension and were flashing looks at each other and them

“So back to our house for drinks?” Jensen asked casually after the movie was over

“That would be great…” Genevieve said with a smile but was drowned out by Jared’s loud voice saying that he had to go home because they had to fly to Vegas early tomorrow. He then took Genevieve’s hand, turned and walked away without making eye contact and without saying good night.

“Geez Jen what did you do?” Danneel asked as she watched the couple walk away, Genevieve looking back over her shoulder in confusion and shrugging

“I was pissed at everyone yesterday, not just you.” Jensen said as he rubbed his hands over his face

“Even Jared?”

“Especially Jared. He was like a fucking puppy happy and bouncing around because we got renewed and I just wanted to hit something, hurt something.”

“So you hurt Jared?”

“Yeah maybe.’ He muttered as he frowned and looked at the ground.

**

“Gen you know I love you right?”

“Ah yeah…”

“I don’t want you take this the wrong way but I need to go. If I go now, there is a flight I can catch to Las Vegas tonight.”

“What? Is this something to do with Jensen?”

“We had a fight, that’s nothing but if I catch a flight tonight I can sleep in rather than making a dash to the airport…”

“Jared you don’t have to explain yourself to me, I’m your wife not your mother. Come on I’ll take you to the airport before we get rid of the babysitter”

“You are the best wife”

“And don’t you forget it.”

**

Jensen was up and dressed and rang Jared’s phone, it went to voicemail so he rang the home phone. He had to make sure Jared was up and moving if they were to catch their plane

“Hello?”

“Hey Gen Jared’s phone went to message bank.”

“Well he’s probably still asleep it was a late night for him.”

“But we have a plane to catch.”

“Jensen where are you?”

“What do you mean where am I?” Jensen frowned at the odd question, “I’m here.”

“Jared flew out last night, I assumed you flew with him.”

“What?” Jensen practically yelled

“What the hell is going on?” Genevieve demanded which was a fair question, they did everything together, yeah they backed off a little to include their wives when they were in USA but they did everything together and he could understand her confusion, hell he was confused

“Ah probably just a misunderstanding.” Jensen said

“Jensen…”

“I’ll fix it Gen, sorry I gotta go.” Jensen said and hung up the phone before sitting there staring into space.

He really had fucked this up. He was just now finally starting to look at things from Jared’s point of view. They had great sex, as per usual, he headed to the airport, telling Jared it was a secret, he then found out they had been renewed for season twelve, had a melt down and took it out on Jared, the one person he didn’t have to hold back with, the one person he had no secrets from and the one person he could say anything to because they knew everything about each other’s life.

He had told Jared he had to leave, he had told Jared he didn’t want to be with him, he had told Jared he had to go to a completely different country; hell he had fucked this up so royally he would be lucky if there was a way back, if Jared would even listen to him to find out if there was a way back. How would he have felt if Jared had turned to him out of nowhere and said he didn’t want to be with him. Hell he probably would have hit him and told him to fuck off but that was not Jared. Jared would absorb it, accept it, decide it made sense as he was not worthy to have Jensen.

“FUCK!” Jensen yelled as he realised he may have just irreversibly hurt the person he loved more than anyone more than he could ever repair

“Jensen.” Danneel snapped at his swearing

“Sorry.” He muttered as he looked at the carpet in their bedroom trying very hard to keep the tears back he could feel pooling. He was such an asshole, what the hell had he done, why hadn’t he just told Jared the truth. They never kept secrets, they had the best relationship because of that and now because he was a selfish prick he may have ruined it completely. Suddenly he felt his stomach turn and made a dash for the bathroom

“Babe?” Danneel asked when she heard him vomiting

“It’s ok, I’m ok.”

“What’s going on?”

“It’s ok, maybe something I ate. I gotta go.”

“Do you want me to take you to the airport or is Gen coming?”

“Yeah if you could give me a lift that would be great.”

“Is Jared ready?”

“He flew out last night.”

“Hon I don’t know what you did but you must have really fucked up.” Danneel said after a moment of silence

**

Jensen ran into the green room and saw Jared sitting in a corner talking on his phone. He went and sat beside him and ignored the frown he received as he turned his back on him, literally, and finished with his conversation. It sounded like he was talking to his own manager but his voice had dropped as soon as Jensen sat down so he couldn’t overhear. They were given the hand signal by the organiser of the con and Jared stood up from the couch and started walking away from Jensen while he wrapped up his phone conversation.

“Jay…” Jensen put his hand on his lover’s arm to stop him

“Let’s just do this Jensen.” Jared said quietly as he pulled his arm away and walked toward stage. Jensen felt his chest tighten at the dullness in Jared’s eyes.

They got through the Gold Panel before doing their photo ops, both individually and as a team and Jensen spent the whole time trying to catch Jared’s eye. Jared was adamant on making sure that didn’t happen and although the fans were having a good time and had no idea what was going on Jensen felt himself getting sicker and sicker. He needed Jared; he needed Jared touching him, holding him, listening to him and being a part of him. That was all that was going through his head and he was having a really hard time concentrating on anything else going on around him.

**

Jared’s heart was breaking. He knew Jensen was trying to catch his eye, trying to talk to him but Jared didn’t think he could hear what he had to say right now. Sure in future he would be able to calmly sit there and listen to Jensen say that he still wanted to be friends and he didn’t want this to affect their working relationship. Sure in a couple of weeks he would be able to sit there and listen while Jensen talked about how their families were still best friends and he wanted it to stay that way, especially since he had moved to Texas to be close to him; but right at this minute Jared didn’t want to hear any of that; he just wanted to be left alone so he could absorb all that had happened and wrap his mind around it and figure this out in his own head.

In his head he was thinking of all the things scattered around his trailer that had to be packed up and taken back to Jensen’s and in his head he was wondering who the Play Statin actually belonged to. In his head he was thinking of how his apartment was going to be almost bare once everything Jensen had bought was returned to him and in his mind he was thinking about how he was going to get his bed and his lounge suite out of his apartment and get new ones in because there was no way he was keeping furniture that they had been intimate on in his apartment and right at the front of his mind on top of everything else he was thinking of the conversation he had just had with his manager. This was it, this would Jared’s final gift to Jensen, this was the last season. Jensen didn’t know it yet. Jared’s manager, realising that this was a huge thing, was flying to him and Jared would see him at his apartment tomorrow night. They would get this mess sorted out once and for all and yep this was it, the last season of Supernatural.

**

The convention was over and Jensen felt a lightness in him that he would finally get to be alone with Jared and talk to him, get this all sorted out.

“Thanks for the lift man.” Misha said as he came and slapped Jensen on the back

“What?”

“Yeah thanks man.” Rob said and they both climbed into the car. Well there went that idea

Since Misha and Rob climbed in the back Jared and Jensen had to share the middle seat. Jensen sighed when Jared slid in beside him. They couldn’t touch and Jared wouldn’t even look at him but having his warmth and his scent near helped Jensen relax.

The flight back to Vancouver was uneventful. Between Clif, Rob and Misha Jared was able to stay away from Jensen and not have to make conversation with him but that was so out of the ordinary…

“Dude what’s going on?” Misha asked Jensen as he slid into the seat beside him

“With what?”

“You and Jaypad?”

“Nothing.”

“Yeah right. Lovers tiff?” he asked and then snorted and laughed, cracking himself up with his joke, little did he know

 

When they got back to Vancouver Jared ignored Jensen’s comment that his car was here and climbed in with Clif. Clif dropped him off first before dropping Misha and Rob at their hotel.

Jared stood at the door of his apartment and couldn’t bring himself to unlock it. He had taken the dogs to their favourite kennel where they were treated like royalty, he had clothes in his bag and he had everything else he needed in his trailer when he got to work tomorrow so there was really no need to swing this piece of wood open and walk into surroundings that completely reminded him of everything he and Jensen used to be.

He turned, went downstairs, climbed into his car and headed to his favourite hotel. The hotel he used to live in when he first moved here, the hotel that had no connection to Jensen as his lover although he did used to hang out here as friends, kicking each other’s ass on the X Box. He would deal with the rest when he woke up tomorrow.

**

Jensen for once could not find his parking ticket and had to go through his bag before he could pay and make a dash to his car. He then drove to Jared’s apartment and bounced as he waited for the elevator. When he got there he pulled his keys out of his pocket and let himself in; home; this is what this was. Their stuff mixed together, their smells intertwined, two lives in one place; but it was cold and dark and empty

“Jared?” he called out anyway although he knew in his heart.

He switched on a light and walked around. Nothing had moved since Thursday night. Even the left overs they left on the bench because they were too into each other were still there. Had Jared even been here since then? There was a flashing light on the message bank and Jensen automatically checked it. His land line was diverted here.

“Jared I will be on the midday plane; it was the latest I could get so I’ll meet you at the studios if that’s ok. I have the copy of your original contract and the renewal sent from Warners. I’m on the six pm out again so hopefully we should get everything tidied up tomorrow.” Jensen stared at the phone, he knew that voice; had hear it numerous times on the phone and had even met Jared’s manager twice.

“No, no,no.” Jensen muttered as he ran his hands through his hair and tried to think like Jared. He had a brief thought, more a mist at the back of his mind. He was grasping at straws but he would do that until he was dead when it came to Jared.

 

“Hi.” Jensen said as he strode up to the counter

“Mr Ackles were we expecting you tonight?” the young girl behind the counter asked as she typed frantically in her computer

“No not me, Jared is here but couldn’t ring me with his room number since I have his phone.” Jensen said calmly and confidently as he held up his own phone, pretending it was his co-stars.

“I’ll ring for you.” She smiled and reached for the phone and Jensen did something he had never down before in his life, leaned over the bench and watched what number she dialled, “Sorry he’s not answering.” She said

“That’s ok I’ll wait a few minutes in the bar.” He said and headed in that direction, when she took another phone call he quickly turned and headed to the elevators.

Jensen knocked on the door and there was silence, he ignored the ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign and knocked again

“Can’t you read the sign?” Jared snapped as he pulled the door open before realising who was on the other side

“Yes but this was a matter of life or death.”

“Go home Jensen.” Jared said after looking at him for a minute.

“I can’t.”

“Jensen…”

“I can’t because I don’t have a home if you’re not there.”

“What?” Jared’s forehead creased in confusion

“Can I come in?”

“No.” said as if that was a completely stupid question

“I love you Jared.”

“What?” he gasped

“I know I’ve never said it, we’re Texan boys we don’t say it but I do, I love you.”

“Jensen I don’t know what you’re thinking, I obviously don’t have the psychic thing everyone seems to think we have but I do know that you don’t love me, it’s just fucking.”

“Is it Jared? Is it just fucking to you?” Jensen asked intensely

“No.” Jared muttered after a minute

“Why?”

“Because I love you.”

“And I love you baby.” Jensen said with a smile, hearing for the first time that Jared loved him.

“Right.” Jared snorted, “Go home Jensen I’ll see you on set.” Jared muttered and started closing the door

“Jared please.”

“What?” he snapped as if his patience had finally worn out

“I love you.”

“Jensen fuck off.”

“What?’ he gasped, Jared never ever talked to him like that, in the entire eleven years he knew him he had never said anything remotely like that to him. Jensen couldn’t believe that he was standing here telling Jared he loved him and instead of getting kisses, hugs, any kind of body contact Jared was standing there telling him to go away; this was not how it played out in his mind but he should have known better, they were only three little words, they weren’t the cure to all ills, they didn’t magically make all mistakes go away, they were just three words put out into the world.

“You heard me. What? You wanna stick your dick in something”? Is that what’s going on?”

“No.”

“Cause Friday you left me, you ran as far and fast as you could and you told me you didn’t want to be with me. So now you’ve decided you’re horny? Use your hand, leave me alone.”

“Jared I love you.”

“You heard that you had to do another season with me went into a complete melt down and left the country, I think it’s safe to say you do not love me Jensen.”

“Can I please come in? I don’t want to have this conversation standing in the hallway of a hotel.”

“Then go home.”

“Alright before I go can I ask one question?’

“What?” Jared asked on a resigned sigh

“Why is your agent coming tomorrow?”

“How…?”

“He left a message.”

“I’m giving you what you want…this is it…we get through season twelve we’re done.”

“Jared…”

“God what Jensen?” he yelled

“Please let me come in.” he whispered his reply

“Most people would assume that when someone flees their home that they don’t want to be found or disturbed but no not Jensen Ackles. If Jensen Ackles wants something he gets it, forget what everyone else wants or needs, no it’s all about Mr Ackles.”

“I deserve that.” Jensen muttered

“Really?” Jared asked and his voice broke as if he was surprised by what Jensen said

“Yeah.” Jensen said and when he looked up Jared could see tears in his eyes

“Jensen?” he took a step forward, even with everything going on he could still could not bear to see Jensen hurt or upset.

“Please Jared, can I please come in for five minutes and then after that you can throw me out.” He knew he was begging but he was not above it in this situation.

“Fine.” Jared sighed and held the door open so Jensen could walk past him

“Jared I need to explain this whole thing to you but the main thing I need to say that I really need you to believe is that I do love you.”

“Yeah well I don’t but continue on as if that’s doesn’t matter.”

“But it does, it matters to me.”

“Just over four minutes Jensen.”

“When you rang me the other day I was sitting at the airport.”

“I know.”

“I was on the way to see my manager to see where to next since this was the end of Super.”

“What?”

“I thought that was it Jay, it’s mid-March and we’re usually called earlier, that was it for me, I was heading to my manager to see where to from here.”

“And you couldn’t tell me that?”

“No but before you get upset there is a reason for that.”

“And that is?”

“After my appointment with my manager I had an appointment with my solicitor.”

“Jensen I don’t need a break down on what your chores were for that day.”

“You should because I was going to see my solicitor about where I stood if I left Danni. I thought the Warners Brothers thing was done so I don’t have worry about that contract anymore I just had to worry about where I stood with Danni and JJ if I left her to be with you.”

“Jensen…I don’t…I can’t…look it’s been a long weekend and I’m tired so just say what you’re trying to say.” Jared frowned and sighed

“I am saying I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you. I love Danni and JJ you know that but Jay you are my everything. I need to work this out so that Danni is taken care of but I need to be able to look after you as well.”

“Jen…”

“I thought we were free Jay, I’m so sorry for everything but I thought we were free to finally be who we wanted to be and be with who we wanted to be with. When you rang to say we were renewed all I could see was another year of hiding, sneaking around and not being true to ourselves and it pissed me off because I love you Jay and I will keep saying it until you believe it.”

“You are such an idiot.”

“What?”

“Why do you think I was happy that we were renewed?”

“Because that’s what the fans wanted?”

“No you idiot. It meant that I had another year of you to myself up here. God I love you so much Jensen but you don’t want to divorce Danni and I don’t want to divorce Gen and leave her with two kids to bring up alone, well anymore alone then she already is. You have said to me numerous times in the past that once a guy comes out, and that’s officially what we’re doing when we declare we’re together, wives or not, that is the end of the leading actor profile.”

“It’s not like that…”

“Yeah it is Jensen. The world has changed in the decade we’ve been doing this; everyone is more open to homosexuality, bisexuality, gay marriage but you never see a gay actor as the leading man. Why? Because the leading man has to be big and burly and macho and get the woman and that never works when everyone is staring at the big screen thinking to himself ‘Oh he’s a great James Bond, too bad he’s fucking that goofy dude who was once in Gilmore Girls but where is he now?”

“Jared…”

“No Jen I need you to listen to me for once. I completely understood why you walked away, don’t get me wrong it fucking hurt and has hurt over the last three days but I get why you walked, we started this when we were kids with no responsibilities up in the back woods of Canada but I broke the rules by falling in love with you.”

“I love you too, I need you to believe that.”

“But Jensen I love you too much to do anything stupid to ruin your career.”

“I want to be with you Jared, I need to be with you.”

“And for 2017 you will be.”

“No Jared for ever I will be. I mean it, this is love, do you understand that?”

“From my side yes, from your side? No not really.”

“Fuck Jared I don’t know how many ways to say it, I love you damn it. And you know what I don’t think you do love me if you can just walk away.” Jensen sniped and was completely shocked when Jared spun around, grabbed a lamp off the table and threw it against the wall, “Jared…” he gasped

“Fuck you Jensen Ackles. If I didn’t love you, if I was selfish and just taking then I’d say hell yeah let’s throw it all away, our lives, our careers, our families, let’s throw it all away so we can fuck all day every day but I am willing to give up the one thing that gives my life meaning, that gets me out of bed every morning, that keeps me breathing to make sure you get the absolute best life you can have and as much as my heart is absolutely breaking to say it the best thing for you is to walk away from me.’

“Jared.”

“Your five minutes are up.” Jared said in a dead voice

“No fucking way.” Jensen snarled and pushed Jared away when he went to open the door.

“Jen.”

“No, I let you talk, now my turn.”

“Two minutes” Jared said and looked at his watch

“I know I fucked up this weekend, I know I fucked up royally and I will do anything to make it better, no matter how long it takes. I love you Jared and I need, really need you to believe that but don’t know how I can prove it to you, especially now. Five minutes ago I would have said I’ll prove it by going on tv or taking out a full page ad but I hear what you’re saying Jay I do. I need you Jay, I need you beside me, I can’t see a future if you’re not beside me making decisions with me.”

“That’s Danneel’s job.” Jared muttered

“No it’s not” Jensen said with a hysterical laugh, “It should be you’re right but it’s not her I immediately think of when I’m making big decisions, it’s not her I dial to get an opinion, it’s not her I think of when I think of the effects of the things I do and say and it’s not her I try to make proud, it’s you and it has always been you.”

“Jensen it’s too hard.”

“No it isn’t and until I fucked up this weekend it wasn’t, it was perfect, I wish I could turn back time and just forget this whole weekend but this is real life so I need you to believe that I love you and I love the life we have up here and I want to keep doing this with you until the studio call’s it.”

“No this is it Jen…season twelve will be our swan song. My manager is coming tomorrow, I am keeping that appointment and this is it. We need to get out. We need to get you back on the market again, if we keep doing this soon you’ll be too old to do leading man roles. You need to get out there and do movies now.”

“I don’t want to do movies Jay, I want to do this with you, beside you.”

“Jensen stop lying to me and maybe even yourself. Every single con you talk about movie’s you’d like to do; scripts you have read. I’m not dumb.”

“I know that, you’re the smartest person I know…”

“No I’m not but I’m not dumb. I have clung to this show because this is my safe place when I feel down, this is my haven but you have always been too good and let’s be honest too good looking to be stuck on this show. We have discussed it in the past, it was only meant to go to five so you could get out and do other projects and I can only hope like hell you’re not still here because of that stupid pact we made years ago.”

“Well…”

“Jensen!!” Jared yelled realising what his lover was confessing with that one word. He had thought about it in the past, had wanted out at some point in the past but had kept going because of a pact made over ten years ago.

“It’s not like that.”

“How often have you thought about if it wasn’t for that stupid pact?”

“Only when a really good script comes across my desk, you know some of those Marvel ones turn into ongoing projects.”

“Fuck!” Jared yelled and ran his hands through his hair “You must fucking hate me.”

“No I love you and would never make a decision without talking to you first, if I really wanted to do one of those movies, if I really wanted to put everything on hold I would come to you first before just doing it.”

“This is it Jen, this is the last season.”

“So that means I have another year of sleeping next to you? Kissing you?” Jensen decided to take this in another direction as he saw Jared’s anger slipping

“Jen..” he sighed

“Being blown by you in the trailer in lunch breaks because fuck I love seeing your lips on my dick.” Jensen murmured as he stepped closer to his lover

“Jensen stop.” Jared’s voice was so low the hairs on Jensen’s arms rose and his cock twitched

“And another year of being able to sink into you completely feeling you all around me as I make you come, fuck I love how you call out my name when you lose it.”

“Fuck!” Jared barked out before grabbing Jensen, pushing him up against the wall and dropping his mouth onto his.

It was a hard and rough kiss that was completely hot and dirty. Tongues licked into each other and teeth bit as they wrestled to inhale as much of each other as they could

“I love you Jay.” Jensen gasped when they both pulled apart for air some minutes later.

“Shut up” Jared growled and pulled Jensen’s shirt off before lowering his head and sucking down his neck. He licked and nipped until he hit his clavicle and then sank his teeth in, not too soft and Jensen cried out as he arched off the wall and into Jared, feeling the tight bulge in his jeans.

“I love you Jay.” Jensen said as he got his hands under Jared’s shirt and pulled that off before starting work on the buttons of his jeans.

“Really?” Jared stopped what he was doing and looked deep into Jensen’s eyes

“Seriously”

“I wanna try something”

“What?” Jensen asked a little suspiciously

“I wanna make love to you tonight.” Jared whispered and his face blushed

“What?” Jensen gasped, they had never done that before but Jensen’s cock couldn’t get any harder

“It’s ok if you don’t…”

“Fuck yes.” Jensen groaned and wrapped himself around Jared. Fuck someone would have so much blackmail material if they ever got found out but Jensen loved nothing more than wrapping his arms and legs around his lover and having Jared carry him to the bed. With his head resting on Jared’s shoulder he was giving him room to nibble and suck as he moved towards the bedroom.

Jared gently placed Jensen on the bed and finished stripping of his clothes before starting on his own attire. As he slowly unbuttoned his jeans and stepped out of them he watched Jensen stroking his own cock, eyes half closed and completely intent on Jared. He then stood there in his Saxx underwear and adjusted himself as he got harder. Jensen groaned and quickly got up and crawled down the bed to nibble on the cotton where he could see a wet spot forming. Jared threw his head back and groaned and he slid his hand inside the cotton to grab the base of his cock before he exploded just with this wet heat and the look in Jensen’s eyes.

“Fuck that is so hot Jay” Jensen whispered mesmerised at this sight in front of him and wished like hell he could take a photo. “Do you know how hot it is to know that it’s me that makes you so hard you’re gonna cream your boxers? Fuuuccckkk” Jensen growled low and grabbed his own dick.

Jared pushed Jensen back on the bed so he was lying down and the climbed on top of him so he was completely blanketing him. Their cocks rubbed together, their noses bopped but Jared just covered him completely and lay there looking into his eyes. The franticness of the last moments were forgotten and they lay there staring at each other.

“I love you so much Jay, you are my life, I need you to believe that.” Jensen whispered and Jared closed his eyes and inhaled deeply before opening them again and nodding as he looked into emerald green, “Really?” Jensen said and his eyes crinkled as a huge smile took over his face

“I love you too Jen, I meant it before, it’s you who keeps me alive every day.” Jared said and dropped his head again. This time the kiss was slow and deep as lips ate at each other and tongues rolled against each other; Jared slowly moved as if he was stretching and all of his sweat dampened skin slid over Jensen making him groan and wiggle so he could move and thrust

“Shhh baby boy I got ya.” Jared said as he dropped light kisses all over Jensen’s face, “I miss your freckles you know, I knew exactly how many there was and I had names for each of them.” Jared said as he kept kissing. Jensen groaned and Jared smiled because he knew Jensen was glad he had outgrown them although they did still appear when they spent a lot of time out in the sun

“Maybe we should shower.” Jensen whispered realising that they hadn’t showered since early morning and he wasn’t really prepared for Jared to top

“Ok” Jared whispered and pulled Jensen off the bed. Taking his hand, he led him into the bathroom and the huge shower.

“Can I tell you a secret?” he whispered and Jared nodded, “When I used to come here and hang out with you and saw this shower when taking a leak all I could imagine was you and I in here together, hot and wet and pressed up against the wall.”

“What? That was ages before we got together.” Jared said as he turned on the water

“I know and I used to tell myself I was a sick fuck while I stood here and stroked one out.”

“Huh…well that’s kinda good to know I just thought you used to crap a lot.”

“Sometimes yeah it was that but most of the time I was using all your toilet paper for other purposes, that and your hair conditioner”

“God you are a sick fuck.” Jared said on a bark of laughter as he pushed Jensen under the warm water.

As much as Jensen wanted to get in, under the water, wash down and get out Jared had other ideas and after covering a washcloth in hotel body wash slowly rubbed and scrubbed Jensen down. His hands and the cloth were everywhere and then, just when Jensen thought he couldn’t get any more frustrated one of Jared’s fingers slid between his cheeks

“Ready?” he whispered

“For what?” Jensen moaned as the finger kept sliding up and down

“I’m going to clean and prep you.” Jared said and slid more body wash onto his fingers.

“Oh, ok, oooohhhh.” Jensen moaned and rested his arms and head against the shower wall as Jared got down on knees and slowly stroked into him. First the roughness of the washcloth was stroked against him and then the smooth roughness of Jared’s work ready hands. One finger then slipped in and twisted and Jared had to use his other hand to hold Jensen up against the wall when his legs almost gave way

“You right baby?”

“Uh huh.” Was all Jensen could mutter and Jared slowly slid another finger inside, the body wash and the water making the slide too easy

“Is it hurting?”

“Well it’s not a feeling I’ve ever felt before but fuck it feels good.”

“Come on bed.” Jared said and stood up

“Wait…ummm…am I…you know…clean enough?’ Jensen said and blushed

“Fuck I love you.” Jared growled before scooping Jensen up, walking into the bedroom and throwing him down on the bed, “Roll over.”

Jensen looked up into Jared’s eyes and saw pure love shining at him so he rolled onto his stomach. Jared lay down on top of Jensen and started sucking up and licking up the water beading down his back.

“So hot and fuck this where all your freckles have gone.” Jared whispered as he slowly worked his way down the glowing skin

“Come on Jay you’re killing me.” Jensen whined. His cock was hard and pressed between his stomach and the bed and he could feel the throbbing heat from Jared’s dick so why wasn’t he just getting it on

“I wanted to worship you a little more but ok next time, it has been awhile so let’s speed this up.” Jared said and climbed off the bed and went to his bag where he pulled out lube. “It’s your first time Jen so do you want…” he asked as he held up a condom

“Fuck no I want to feel you.” Jensen said and watched Jared’s face light up and dimples appear with his huge smile

He climbed back onto the bed and slid his knees between Jensen’s legs, spreading him out more.

“I love you so much Jen but if you don’t want to…”

“No Jay you asked and I would give you anything you asked for, you know that, and I want to feel what you feel”

“Oh baby you have no idea.” Jared whispered into his ear, causing shivers to run down his body, before his weight was lifted and Jared moved down the bed

Suddenly Jensen felt the wet of Jared’s tongue around his rim and if Jared hadn’t had his hand in the middle of his back holding him down he’s pretty sure he would have fallen off the bed

“Holy fuck.” He growled and felt Jared smile against him

Jared’s tongue worked its magic down there while his lips did the same. Jensen gritted his teeth and clenched onto the sheets as Jared licked and sucked and hummed against his hole and then slowly poked his tongue in and moved it around

“Jay, Jay, I’m gonna…Jay please.” Jensen panted and Jared looked up to see his eyes completely blown with want and need. His lips were swollen from them kissing and Jensen biting on them to stop crying out, his skin was flushed, there was s sheen of sweat on his forehead and his knuckles were clenched white in the sheets

“Fuck you are so beautiful.” Jared growled out

“Shut up.” Jensen muttered as he blushed and smiled

Jared rolled Jensen over a little and slid a pillow under his stomach, this was his first time bottoming and although he was completely turned on Jared knew it may be uncomfortable to start with. He then slid down and slowly licked and sucked at Jensen again while he popped the lube bottle and covered his fingers. He then slowly slid one finger into the tight, dark heat; since he had done this in the shower too Jensen just lay there and purred. He moved his finger in and out and around a little before sliding a second finger in. He felt Jensen clench a little but when he looked up Jensen was still flushed and lust blown and looking straight back at Jay. Without a word passing between them Jensen nodded.

Jared sat there in awe watching his fingers get sucked into Jensen’s hole before pulling them back out again, he licked his lips and bent down, running his tongue around the rim as his fingers moved to stretch open his lover, he then oh so slowly slid in a third finger and heard Jensen whimper

“Jen?”

“It’s ok, keep going.’ He husked and Jared slowly moved them in and out and scissored them as he felt around for that little bundle of nerves. After a few moments he knew he had found them when Jensen arched off the bed and let out a loud swearword.

Jared slathered his cock in lube, probably too much but he would do everything he could to make this good or Jensen. He needed this. He needed to possess Jensen just this once and he wanted Jensen to feel what he felt when they made love, which is what they did no matter how many times Jared said it was just fucking.

He lined up and slowly started sliding into Jensen. He paused after the head got sucked in and waited until Jensen exhaled heavily and unclenched, he then slid some more and waited until Jensen nodded; it was a slow process of sliding the whole way in while making sure Jensen wasn’t hurting and by the time he was fully seated sweat was running off him and his teeth were hurting from clenching so hard trying to resist the temptation to just plough into the damp dark heat that was so tight he thought he would come before he was fully in.

“Jen?”

“Holy Fuck Jay I can feel everything; I can feel your heartbeat in your dick.”

“Oh God I know baby, fuck you feel so good, so hot…can I move?”

“Ah…yeah…” he sounded unsure so Jared just pulled back a little before sliding in again, “Fuck yeah do that again.” Jensen groaned and Jared pulled back and slid again. By the fourth thrust Jared was pulling all the way out and Jensen was pushing up to meet Jared half way.

“God Jen I don’t know how long I can last it’s been so long.” It had only been three days but for them that was too long.

“Fuck Jay come for me babe I wanna feel you in me.” Jensen gasped and Jared gritted his teeth as he slid one hand around to grab Jensen’s cock, “Fuck!” Jensen yelled out as he felt the hot hand wet with lube slide over him and as Jared thrust in his cock slid against the heat, “not fair, not fair” he gasped and gritted his teeth as Jared leaned forward and bit his shoulder, “Fuuuccckkk” Jensen exploded into the sheets as wave upon of wave of ecstasy almost made him pass out but he kept it together because he wanted to feel, ah there it was, his lover’s seed filling him and warming him. The slide became wetter and smoother as Jared jerked and thrusted out the last of his spasms

“Fuck babe, that was so fucking hot, so perfect, I love you so much, thank you for letting me do that.” Jared rambled as he slowly slid out and dropped kisses all over Jensen’s back

“Love you.” Was all Jensen could mutter back as he struggled to keep his eyes open. He frowned when he felt Jared get up off the bed but he was back a few minutes later with a warm wash cloth to wipe Jensen down, dropping kisses over him as he went, “Love you.” He muttered again and felt Jared drop a kiss on his forehead before moving up the bed, scooping Jensen up and sitting him in his lap

“Jen open your eyes.”

“No” he pouted more than half asleep

“Jen.” Jared had a pleading tone and Jensen sighed before doing what he asked, “Have a drink for me.” He said and handed him a bottle of water and Jensen sighed because now he saw it he was thirsty; they had sweated out a lot just now

“Love you.”

“And I’m beginning to believe you.” Jared said and slid Jensen off him and onto the bed. He made sure Jensen was comfortable on the pillow and all tucked in before climbing under the covers himself. Jared lay on his back and Jensen slid over to rest his head on his heart and throw a leg over him

“Jay?”

“Hmm.”

“I didn’t say it before but congratulations on season twelve.” Jensen muttered

“You’re an idiot.” Jared said but dropped a kiss onto his head

“Yeah but I’m your idiot and I am sorry for everything…”

“Shut up I have no idea what you’re talking about.’ Jared said quietly and Jensen looked up to see him lying there with his eyes closed and a small smile on his lips. He lifted his head, slid up the bed and placed his lips on his lover’s and Jared opened up and they languidly kissed for a few moments before Jensen pulled away, slid back down and nestled into Jared’s chest

“Season twelve, ha.” Was the last thing Jared laughed before they both fell asleep holding each other’s hands

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know where this story came from and as per usual my characters went off and did their own thing, I hope you enjoyed it and feel free to leave comments but not too critical please


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